Faith, Family, and the Fertility Doctor: How God Used Modern Medicine to Answer our Prayer Requests

      I'll always remember my first trip to the fertility doctor. My husband, Ryan, and I sat awkwardly in a waiting room, listening to the Backstreet Boys greatest hits through the ceiling speaker, while avoiding eye contact with other couples and commenting on the unusual art: mermaid family statue. I’m not kidding. The sculpture was of a mommy and daddy mermaid holding up a baby mermaid in the air! The artwork and music choice created a nice comedic relief from the anxiety of wondering what the doctor would say. What would be my prognosis? What if she said I had no chances of carrying a baby to term? What if there were no answers for why I easily became pregnant but could never stay pregnant? The rollercoaster of three pregnancies, followed by three miscarriages, was a ride we were ready to get off.  The nurse eventually called us back to a consultation room that had all the posters and props of a high school health class, where we nervously played on our phones until the doctor finally came in the room. She sat down, looked through my medical history paperwork, and in no more than 5 minutes told us what she thought was wrong and how she planned to fix it. She confidently assured us she was not worried about my eventually carrying full term. We left the doctor’s office feeling very assured and encouraged. With the doctor’s help and God’s choosing to answer our heartfelt prayers for multiples, our triplets Blair, Barrett, and Blake were conceived six months later. We do not believe our triplets were a result of fertility medication. However, God chose to use medication to help bring about our desire for a family, and maybe He wants to do the same in your life.

     After going public about our miscarriages and triplet pregnancy, the questions and comments started pouring in from women struggling with the same heartache of infertility and the same dream of conceiving. “Your story has encouraged me to not give up on my dreams of being a mom” one woman wrote to me. “As a Christian, how did you justify seeing a fertility doctor?” was a question sent to me by another woman who honestly wondered the spiritual argument for seeking help. How did we justify seeing a fertility doctor? Is seeing a fertility doctor playing God? Are babies born with fertility help any less miraculous? How do I talk to my spouse about going to a fertility doctor? How do I keep enjoying life with fertility struggles?

1. How did we justify seeing a fertility doctor?

      Last October, I kept getting the flu, even with the flu shot. No matter what I did, it seemed like I kept getting sick and I kept being out of commission for weeks. I didn’t pray about what I should do. I didn’t ask respected leaders in the church their counsel. I was sick, and I needed a doctor. The same is true for people who are continuing to experience fertility problems. I know that God made Sarah and Abraham parents at 90 years old, but I don’t really see that happening anymore. Christians have deemed the medical condition of infertility a spiritual issue, and it is keeping many couples from receiving the medical help they need. However, seeing a fertility doctor is often the most prolife choice a couple can make. There would have been nothing spiritual about our continually losing babies when medical solutions were available. Wanting to bring life into the world is fulfilling the biblical command to “be fruitful and multiply.”

       2. Is seeing a fertility doctor playing God?

      God opens and closes the womb. Simple as that. Does God need help? No. Does God use modern medicine to help correct issues in our imperfect bodies? Yes. No baby is born outside of God’s will. God doesn’t have to readjust his plans for the world when a baby is born via fertility treatment. God is more powerful than fertility medication, and I can tell you from experience that receiving fertility treatment does not ensure a baby is born. For as many couples who receive children from medical help, just as many have failed-attempt stories. We are not powerful enough to trick, outsmart, or out-medicate God.

      3. Are babies born with fertility help any less miraculous?

      We get asked all the time if the triplets were “natural,” most often by the checkout ladies at Target. Our answer, “The triplets were supernatural.” We specifically prayed for three biological children, for multiples, and for “God to do more than anything we can hope or imagine” (Ephesians 3:20-21) and God answered. The fact that God answered so specifically and so creatively is nothing short of miraculous. God either opens the womb or He doesn’t. Whether a child is conceived through the help of science, medication, a memory lapse in taking birth control pills, or carefully timed family planning; every child is a miracle worthy to be celebrated. The reason God sometimes uses medical intervention is something we will have to ask Him when we get to Heaven. Every life conceived is equally valuable. Every answered prayer for a child is worthy of praise to our Lord.

    4. How do I talk to my spouse about going to the fertility doctor?

      Be sensitive, be humble, be open, and be loving when talking to your spouse about seeking help. We can all admit fertility is an awkward topic. Saying “fertility doctor” always makes me think of the monkey Rafiki from The Lion King. The idea of talking to a stranger about fertility issues can seem invasive, embarrassing, and weird. From my experience, fertility doctors often have an honorary degree in sensitivity training. I was amazed at their ability to talk about bodily functions while keeping a straight face, but they do it! The doctor’s appointment likely won’t be as bad as you imagine it to be. Even if the appointment is as bad as you have imagined, with the alternative being childlessness, it may be an awkward appointment worth scheduling. Please don’t write off fertility doctors and treatment as too expensive before researching your options. You would be amazed at the different options and programs for fertility treatment! Lastly and most importantly, decide ahead of time that your fertility struggle is no one’s “fault” but is the path God has destined you to journey together.

     5. How do I keep enjoying life with fertility struggles?

      God has a plan for your life that is not contingent on your ability to become pregnant. God gives us what we need. It is a tough pill to swallow, but by that rationale if you don’t have a baby then it’s not what you need right now. I know that is hard. I know that is heartbreaking. I also know that my worst year personally was my best year spiritually and in ministry. There is something different God has planned for this time, regardless of how determined you may be that it’s baby time. Please don’t get so consumed with ovulation tests, pregnancy tests, baby apps, baby clothes sites, or even reading pregnancy blogs that you miss what God has for you today.

      I do not know what is right for your family. I do know too many couples are struggling in silence with fertility problems, and too many women are repeatedly experiencing heartache, while medical solutions are often available. As I told a girl crying to me in Anthropologie the other day who had just received a report from her OB-GYN that she would not be able to conceive, “It’s a good thing we have the modern medicine of 2018 and that God can do anything.” Let us take advantage of living in an age where modern medicine can help accomplish our dreams of a family. Let us remember that we serve a God who can do more than anything we can hope or imagine.

More Than We Can Imagine: The Sadler Triplet Story

 Well, our secret is out: Ryan and I are pregnant with triplets! My mom always cringes when we say, “We’re pregnant!” because of the obvious anatomical error in this statement.  However, after about a thousand of Ryan’s late night runs to the grocery store on behalf of the four individuals I now represent; multiple weekly doctors’ visits; and the emotional toll of coming up with three names, while trying to predict which triplet could react to what in regard to name fairness… I’d say that Ryan is about as pregnant as I am pregnant!

However, the positive pregnancy test is far from where our journey began. Our triplet story started about a year and a half ago when Ryan and I sat down together as a couple and listed 20 things we were going to pray for multiple times a day until God answered. The final prayers on our list were for God to bless us with multiples, for God to bless our family with three biological children, and for God “to do more than anything we could imagine” (Eph. 3:20). Ironically, we never imagined God’s answering all three of those prayers in one miracle!

Mark Batterson states in his book Draw The Circle, “The greatest tragedy in life are the prayers that go unanswered simply because they go unasked.” We were tired of tragedy. We were tired of not getting results. We started asking, and God started answering.

How did we end up with triplets?

I remember the moment we found out we were having triplets. We were going in for my first sonogram after getting a positive pregnancy test. Our doctor performed the test in about two seconds before starting her sentence with the following, “I don’t want to scare you, but… there are three gestational sacs.” I started celebrating as if I had won an Olympic gold meal, pumping my arms and cheering, thanking God, and giving Ryan a majorly corny high-five, though it took Ryan a second to switch mindsets after the “I don’t want to scare you…” opening to comprehending the best news of our lives. We were thrilled! To answer the major question, no, the triplets were not IVF. But even if they had been, does that make three lives any less a miracle? God either opens the womb or He doesn’t, and there is nothing less miraculous about God working through science, medicine, or a memory lapse in taking birth control than carefully timed family planning. After three miscarriages, it became necessary to see specific doctors, and we would recommend anyone going through that heartache to do so, as well. We ended up with triplets because God ordained their lives and answered our specific prayers.

Were we surprised when we found out?

People have countered when we say, “We wanted multiples.” with “Be careful what you wish for…” but the truth is we didn’t wish for anything. We asked, pleaded, and begged God for this very specific prayer, and He answered as only the God of the universe can answer: timely, specifically, and powerfully. Our doctors and countless people since then have asked, “Were you surprised?!” We always respond, “No, we weren’t surprised because we asked God and truly believed He would answer, “Yes.” We have already heard incredible stories of people being able to use the triplet’s lives to tell others about the goodness of God, and we pray this continues to be the theme of their lives-- pointing others to our Savior, Jesus Christ.

Are we scared?

While announcing the triplets to our student ministry, church family, and social media world was a blast, after three miscarriages in a year it is hard to ignore the deep-seated fear of “What if?” What if God doesn’t let these babies live? What if we announce the triplets as this incredible miracle and then lose them like we lost the others? What if we announce the triplets to our student ministry but then have to provide grief counseling for 300+ students? If something happens, does that mean God isn’t good? If something happens, does that mean the triplets weren’t miracles? If something happens, will we stop following God? No, it doesn’t mean any of this because God is good, even if any of these things happens. As my father, pastor Dr. Robert Jeffress, says, “Faith is not believing God will do what we want Him to do. Faith is believing God is who He says He is and acting accordingly.” God’s goodness is not dependent upon our getting what we want; God’s goodness is the very nature of who God is and encompasses all He does-- regardless if we understand or agree.

We truly believe the triplets are a miraculous answer to our specific and persistent prayers. The triplets are not our story. The triplets belong to a God who is able and who did more than we could imagine!

 While triplets are rare, the true rarity is not in God’s answering big prayers but in our asking big prayers! What big prayer do you want to start asking God today?

We so appreciate continual prayers for The Sadler Triplets to make it to 34 weeks without health or medical issues for babies or mama! Thank you for sharing in our journey! To God be the glory, great things He has done!