Big Little Lies

Lying to yourself is really pretty easy. The trajectory usually starts by our having a lie told to us by a parent, friend, boyfriend, spouse, or any significant person in our lives. We may immediately recognize the statement as hurtful, but not recognize the detrimental effects of believing the lie until years or even decades later.

As a counselor, my clients are often surprised at the necessity of exploring their childhood in order to identify lies they grew up believing. While all lies are not from childhood, they tend to be the ones that are most ingrained. Without fail, I’ve watched people time and again uncover lies they were told and experience great healing by choosing to start telling themselves the truth. The obvious question is, “What is the truth?”

I define lying to yourself as “Telling yourself anything that God does not say about you or your situation.” That really narrows down what we are allowed to tell ourselves! Scripture time and again states the necessity of guarding our thoughts and believing truth.

Romans 12:1 states, “Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is- His good, pleasing, and perfect will.” This verse is a powerful plea to change our thought life in order to be capable of realizing God’s plan for us.

The number one question I ask all day long in my counseling practice is “What are you telling yourself?” People tend to think their emotions are what need to change in order for them to experience relief from anxiety, depression, eating disorders, stress, etc. However, a thought always comes before an emotion. It is impossible to tell yourself lies all day long and have contentment, peace, and intimacy with God.

Scripture tells us Satan is the “father of lies” (John 8:44), however, often we do his work for him. In closing, here are three questions to ask in order to help you identify and change lies you may be telling yourself.

1.     What am I telling myself about my situation, my worth, or others in my life?

2.     Is this what God says about my situation, my worth, or others in my life?

3.     What does the Bible say about my situation, my worth, or others in my life?

Benjamin Disraeli describes the link between our thoughts and the quality of life in this famous quote, “Nurture your mind with great thoughts, for you will never go any higher than your thoughts.” The great thing is, we don’t have to come up with the “great thoughts." God has told us His great thoughts about us in His Word.

Psalm 139:14 states the we are “fearfully and wonderfully made.” This is not God complementing us. It is His truth about His creation and it’s time for us to claim it! I challenge you as you go about your day to ask the simple but vital question, “What am I telling myself?”

“I will give thanks to You, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made." Psalm 139:14

Choosing Truth! 

Julia J. Sadler

Lost and Found

Growing up a pastor’s daughter meant many things for me during the course of my spiritual life.  This meant I had the important job of riding my tricycle around the church as my Dad locked up, bedtime consisted of my Dad explaining different religions as I fell asleep, and the majority of sleepovers included drawing a timeline of Revelation. Just the normal childhood, right?

Somewhere a long the way I decided I was tired of playing by God’s rules. Other options looked more apt to meet my most pressing needs and wants. I knew God’s commands. But I decided God would understand if I just needed a break from Him for a while. I had no idea how that decision would cause me to end up further from God than I ever imagined. Through what I call “the lost years” of my life, God relentlessly pursued me and never left me.

I have learned through my years as a counselor that I’m not the only one who fears coming back to God. The shame of sin keeps many people out of church and fellowship with God. Many times we rely on what other people think about us to conclude what God must think of us. Since we are human, and only know other humans, we have the propensity to attribute human characteristics to God. We conclude things such as, “If my Christian friends didn’t accept me because of what I’m struggling with, then that must mean God won’t accept me either.”

The great news is God is unlike anyone you or I have ever known! Isaiah 55:9 says, “For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are My ways higher than your ways, And My thoughts than your thoughts.” God’s thoughts and ways are beyond our comprehension. His plan for us is big enough to include our mess-ups. God is not confined by time, place, or our decisions. His heart and desire is for us to come back to Him regardless of what we have done. We can become discouraged when we focus on our sin instead of God’s power. But the hope of the gospel is God loves to redeem people, in fact, He specializes in it!

My favorite story in the Bible is The Prodigal Son (Luke 15). The most powerful verse is Luke 15:22, “So he got up and came to his father. ‘But while he was still a long way off, his father saw him and felt compassion for him, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.” When we desire to come back to the Father, God runs to embrace us. If you’re wondering if God wants you back, He does! God is not mad at you. God desperately wants a relationship with you. I never could have imagined how God could redeem my life after my “lost years”. I can say with confidence He wants to do the same in your life. Will you come back to the Father who loves you?

(As seen on FirstDallasWomen.org) 

3 Tips for Dating God's Way

With multiple sex partners becoming the norm among Christians and non-Christians, Dallas being in the top 10 cities with the most positive STD tests, and Texas being ranked the number 5 state for teen pregnancies; I would say there is a substantial amount of harm being done in the name of “love.” #Everyonegetsarose was the hash tag for the Valentine Day girl’s ministry event I organized this past February.  This idea was a play off of the popular TV show, The Bachelor, where in the end only one girl gets the rose. In case you are unaware, the premise of the show is one guy or girl dates about 30 people at the same time and ends up picking one to propose to after narrowing the selection through “fantasy nights” in a romantic location. Before you close out of this page because you are a fan, don’t worry, this is not a viewer bashing session!

I am known amongst the girls I minister to for verbalizing my opinion about shows and songs portraying false expectations regarding marriage, dating, and sex. You may be reading this and thinking: “What’s the harm?” “Aren’t you being hyper-spiritual?” I care so much about these false portrayals of love because it is setting men and women, girls and boys, married and single up for failure and eventually heartache. When I started writing this blog my inclination was to address teenager girls. But the truth is I see teenagers and adults of both sexes who ruined their lives because of believing the lies that sex equals love and monogamy is an outdated idea. The problem is not exclusive to 16 year-old teenage girls.

My absolute favorite topic to speak on is Dating God’s Way-Following Christ in a Kanye world. I have found that many people want to follow God, want to stay pure, want to date God’s way but find it difficult to do in today’s culture. I believe the number one way Satan attacks Christians is through their dating and sex life. We all know there is a war and it’s time to give Christians the ammo to be able to win the battle for their hearts!

3 Tips for Dating God’s Way:

1. You marry someone you date.

This may seem like common sense but I often hear teenagers and young adults admit that their current boyfriend or girlfriend is not someone they would ever want to marry. While only dating people that you would consider marrying narrows down the options, it also protects you from wasting your time and settling for less than God’s best. The trajectory of picking less than God’s best in marriage, is settling for “best right now” or “best considering everyone else has a date” while single.

2. Quickest way to end a relationship is to have sex.

A lot of times the fear in dating is that the relationship won’t last. With the average age of marriage being 27 for women and 29 for men, I would say that is a valid fear. So many women and girls think they will have a binding deal if they are having sex with their boyfriend. However, having sex does not make you different, special, or unique; it actually makes you just like everyone else. If you want the relationship to last, actually make him (or her) wait to have sex until after marriage. The most important thing in marriage is friendship and the best time to develop that is in the dating period. Having sex before marriage breaks God’s design for sex and demands that He steps in to set things straight. If you really like the person you are dating and want them to stick around, put your relationship in a place where God can bless you by committing to purity.

3. The bait you use determines what you catch.

I got this saying from my favorite dating book Dateable by Hayley DiMarco, Hayley Morgan, and Justin Lookadoo. I hear so many people question why they attract the kind of people they end up dating and eventually marrying. I hear girls barely dressed wonder aloud why a guy only is interested in her sexually. What we use to bait a significant other is going to determine the kind of person we end up dating. If you never talk about or live out your faith, you are probably not going to attract a Christian. If you only go to parties with alcohol on the weekend, you’re likely to attract alcoholics. This truth can also work in your favor. If you walk with Christ at your school, you are likely to attract a Christian to date. If you dress modestly (still cute!), you are showing there is more to you than just your body and heighten your chances of “baiting” someone interested in getting to know you.

In the end, there is nothing romantic about a person barely picking you through an elimination process. You want a man who knows you and says without reservation, through denying all others, “I want that girl and I’m going to become the kind of man God has called me to be in order win her heart!” Women; wait for the man who deserves you, proving it through his sacrifice for you. Men; wait for the woman who is not in love with love but is in love with you!

(As seen on Elevateyouth.org)