The Sadler Triplets say "Thank You!"

Only in La La Land

Only in La La Land

(This blog has been published by The Christian Post and Girl Defined)

--Spoiler Alert--

For years, my Millennial Generation has been looking for the next movie to rival the infamous romantic saga, The Notebook. With every new chick flick that is advertised, untold numbers run to the nearest movie theater with their significant others in hopes that this will be our next cult classic. This will be the movie that makes my boyfriend realize how lucky he is to be dating me. This will be the movie that reignites the romance in our marriage. This will be the movie that makes my girlfriends cry and the movie that causes me to shamelessly fantasize myself as the lead actress. La La Land was supposed to be this movie. Critics built this movie up to be the biggest blockbuster of the year. Awards so far include Golden Globe Award Winner for Best Motion Picture, Best Actress, Best Actor, Best Director, and Best Original Score, and the film is tied for the most Academy Award nominations in history… so it’s universally considered the best. But why doesn’t the couple in our new “best” movie end up spending the rest of their lives together? Where is the “happily ever after?” Where is the wedding? Where is the Romeo and Juliet devotion?

While critics rave, audiences have mixed feelings and opinions about the ending of the movie. While 95% of La La Land is a whirlwind of fun songs, romantic scenes, and quote-worthy lines, the last fifteen minutes deviates far from a traditional love story. Spoiler Alert! The adorable couple Mia and Sebastian, played by Emma Stone and Ryan Gosling, does not end up together. The last few scenes fast-forward five years to show Mia marrying another man. You read correctly. She does not choose to marry Ryan Gosling. However, Mia reflects fondly on the time she and Sebastian spent together, and the conclusion left for viewers is that, while their relationship was important, it was not forever. She now has a new life with her new husband and a new baby, and she is able to smile when she thinks about her former live-in boyfriend.

“Why does the ending of this movie matter?” you may be asking. This movie ending matters because it has profound implications for the Millennial Generation and it is a defining representation of our culture. Contrast the ending of La La Land with the ending of The Notebook (another Ryan Gosling classic). Just twelve years earlier, the famously romantic movie ended with the aged married couple holding each other as they died together in the same bed! The idea was that the husband and wife could not live without one another; therefore, each would literally die without the other. (Probably the husband had PTSD from the seven years he spent writing to the his wife without her reply!)

While in many movies the lead couple does not end up together, La La Land has a startling, inaccurate account of sexual immorality. Gone are the days of showing the scorned ex-lover, since this movie highlights the false idea of nostalgia among exes. Only in La La Land a girl smiles as she sees the ex-boyfriend who lost interest after having sex with her. Only in La La Land a girl can feel unashamed as she runs into her former live-in boyfriend while on a date with her new husband. Only in La La Land a girl can emerge unscathed after neglecting God’s guidelines for relationships and sex. And, while we’re at it, only in La La Land is this movie considered romantic.

The truth is, there is only pain when we ignore God’s command to “keep the marriage bed pure” (Hebrews 13:4). The majority of our culture is neglecting this truth and wondering why many of them end up with broken hearts and relationships. Statistics and personal experience tell us that the majority of people are far from following God’s guidelines for sex. This is one reason our culture is so accepting of and so excited about La La Land: this movie represents the lie so many individuals are living. The truth is, there is only heartache when we ignore God’s guidelines for sex and marriage. This is not because God is mean and loves to restrict us. God created sex, which means He knows how it works best. The notions that co-habitation produces stable relationships, that unmarried guys will stay interested in girls after sex, and that a girl will experience no shame when she sees her ex-boyfriend and former sex partner while standing next to her new husband are all ideas that only truly exist . . . well . . . in La La Land.

XOXO,

Julia J. Sadler

Living Your Legacy

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LatentStyleCount="276">… — Our first miscarriage was quite a shock to my husband and me. Our second miscarriage was heartbreaking. We had been married for 7 years at the time and had waited what seemed like an eternity to begin trying to get pregnant. We had students in our student ministry that at times seemed more frustrated than we were with our long time table. For years friends, students, and church members had assumed that we had fertility problems because of us not having children. We would just smile as many speculated because we knew that we were actually waiting and had never tried to get pregnant. Ryan and I had married young and had chosen significantly long degree paths to pursue. We would get antsy at times as the years past by and more of our friends got married and pregnant but we had comfort in knowing we were choosing to wait. We were still young and we were right on track to my perfectly marked out 10-year plan.
            You see, I have always had my life planned out for myself and, until now, God seemed to agree with my perfectly formulated, perfectly calculated, perfectly Instagram-documented life that I had laid out in my all-encompassing, beautifully decorated Erin Condren planner. My coworkers, friends, and former classmates are undoubtedly already laughing because my planner is pretty famous. I fell in love with planning when my Mom gave me my first planner at the age of 5. I fell in love with goal setting when my Dad had me turn in my yearly goals twice a year at the end of summer and beginning of the New Year as an elementary school student. “Good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who plan, and the best things come to those who make their plans happen” was basically my motto. The parable of the persistent widow has been my favorite Bible story that has motivated and guided me through my 10 years of earning my undergraduate degree, masters degree, and professional counselor licensure. But all that had now been accomplished and according to my timetable, it was baby time ‘o'clock.
            My first miscarriage happened on what I had named “Legacy Night” for the girls in our student ministry. Legacy Night was the night that the seven senior girls on our “Legacy Squad” girl student leadership team were going to give their testimonies for all the younger girls to hear. The goal was for the younger girls to be encouraged and motivated by hearing how these older students had navigated the ups and downs of junior high and high school with God’s guidance. The tagline for legacy squad is “learning to live your legacy.” When I presented this vision to the girls at the beginning of last year, I was tempted to have the motto be “learning to *leave* a legacy,” but God prompted me to change “*leave*” to *“live;”* and I’m so glad He did.
            It was a surreal experience to stand in my back yard on Legacy Night, surrounded by over 70 teenage girls and hear the senior girls talking about living a legacy while losing our first child. I am convinced that if the motto had been “leaving a legacy” I would have been completely devastated. But the Legacy Squad motto that God had given me was “living a legacy.” As I stood there listening to the testimonies I realized I was living my legacy. My legacy was literally right before me, talking about God’s goodness, His faithfulness, and my and my husband’s influence on these student’s lives. My legacy was happening in the moment I was losing our baby and I was so close to missing it, to not even seeing it. Let me be clear that Ryan and I would have done anything to see these babies born. We are still processing these losses. We look forward to meeting our two babies in Heaven. But until that time comes, and until God chooses to give us our own children, God has a lot for us to do in the waiting time.
As my Dad says, “Waiting time does not have to be wasted time.” Legacy is not in the future. Legacy is not something that happens after we die. Legacy is not something that only happens after we have constructed the perfect family to be featured on Instagram. Your legacy is now. Your legacy is in the opportunities God has given you today. Your legacy is in the lives God has put in your path now. Obsessing over tomorrow robs you of the opportunities of today.
In John 9:4 Jesus charges us,
“We must work the works of Him who sent Me as long as it is day; night is coming when no one can work.”
How is God prompting you to live your legacy today?
Legacy Living,
Julia J. Sadler