Living Your Legacy

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LatentStyleCount="276">… — Our first miscarriage was quite a shock to my husband and me. Our second miscarriage was heartbreaking. We had been married for 7 years at the time and had waited what seemed like an eternity to begin trying to get pregnant. We had students in our student ministry that at times seemed more frustrated than we were with our long time table. For years friends, students, and church members had assumed that we had fertility problems because of us not having children. We would just smile as many speculated because we knew that we were actually waiting and had never tried to get pregnant. Ryan and I had married young and had chosen significantly long degree paths to pursue. We would get antsy at times as the years past by and more of our friends got married and pregnant but we had comfort in knowing we were choosing to wait. We were still young and we were right on track to my perfectly marked out 10-year plan.
            You see, I have always had my life planned out for myself and, until now, God seemed to agree with my perfectly formulated, perfectly calculated, perfectly Instagram-documented life that I had laid out in my all-encompassing, beautifully decorated Erin Condren planner. My coworkers, friends, and former classmates are undoubtedly already laughing because my planner is pretty famous. I fell in love with planning when my Mom gave me my first planner at the age of 5. I fell in love with goal setting when my Dad had me turn in my yearly goals twice a year at the end of summer and beginning of the New Year as an elementary school student. “Good things come to those who wait, but better things come to those who plan, and the best things come to those who make their plans happen” was basically my motto. The parable of the persistent widow has been my favorite Bible story that has motivated and guided me through my 10 years of earning my undergraduate degree, masters degree, and professional counselor licensure. But all that had now been accomplished and according to my timetable, it was baby time ‘o'clock.
            My first miscarriage happened on what I had named “Legacy Night” for the girls in our student ministry. Legacy Night was the night that the seven senior girls on our “Legacy Squad” girl student leadership team were going to give their testimonies for all the younger girls to hear. The goal was for the younger girls to be encouraged and motivated by hearing how these older students had navigated the ups and downs of junior high and high school with God’s guidance. The tagline for legacy squad is “learning to live your legacy.” When I presented this vision to the girls at the beginning of last year, I was tempted to have the motto be “learning to *leave* a legacy,” but God prompted me to change “*leave*” to *“live;”* and I’m so glad He did.
            It was a surreal experience to stand in my back yard on Legacy Night, surrounded by over 70 teenage girls and hear the senior girls talking about living a legacy while losing our first child. I am convinced that if the motto had been “leaving a legacy” I would have been completely devastated. But the Legacy Squad motto that God had given me was “living a legacy.” As I stood there listening to the testimonies I realized I was living my legacy. My legacy was literally right before me, talking about God’s goodness, His faithfulness, and my and my husband’s influence on these student’s lives. My legacy was happening in the moment I was losing our baby and I was so close to missing it, to not even seeing it. Let me be clear that Ryan and I would have done anything to see these babies born. We are still processing these losses. We look forward to meeting our two babies in Heaven. But until that time comes, and until God chooses to give us our own children, God has a lot for us to do in the waiting time.
As my Dad says, “Waiting time does not have to be wasted time.” Legacy is not in the future. Legacy is not something that happens after we die. Legacy is not something that only happens after we have constructed the perfect family to be featured on Instagram. Your legacy is now. Your legacy is in the opportunities God has given you today. Your legacy is in the lives God has put in your path now. Obsessing over tomorrow robs you of the opportunities of today.
In John 9:4 Jesus charges us,
“We must work the works of Him who sent Me as long as it is day; night is coming when no one can work.”
How is God prompting you to live your legacy today?
Legacy Living,
Julia J. Sadler

With multiple sex partners becoming the norm among Christians and non-Christians, Dallas being in the top 10 cities with the most positive STD tests, and Texas being ranked the number 5 state for teen pregnancies; I would say there is a substantial amount of harm being done in the name of “love.” #Everyonegetsarose was the hash tag for the Valentine Day girl’s ministry event I organized this past February. This idea was a play off of the popular TV show, The Bachelor, where in the end only one girl gets the rose. In case you are unaware, the premise of the show is one guy or girl dates about 30 people at the same time and ends up picking one to propose to after narrowing the selection through “fantasy nights” in a romantic location. Before you close out of this page because you are a fan, don’t worry, this is not a viewer bashing session!

I am known amongst the girls I minister to for verbalizing my opinion about shows and songs portraying false expectations regarding marriage, dating, and sex. You may be reading this and thinking: “What’s the harm?” “Aren’t you being hyper-spiritual?” I care so much about these false portrayals of love because it is setting men and women, girls and boys, married and single up for failure and eventually heartache. When I started writing this blog my inclination was to address teenager girls. But the truth is I see teenagers and adults of both sexes who ruined their lives because of believing the lies that sex equals love and monogamy is an outdated idea. The problem is not exclusive to 16 year-old teenage girls.

My absolute favorite topic to speak on is Dating God’s Way-Following Christ in a Kanye world. I have found that many people want to follow God, want to stay pure, want to date God’s way but find it difficult to do in today’s culture. I believe the number one way Satan attacks Christians is through their dating and sex life. We all know there is a war and it’s time to give Christians the ammo to be able to win the battle for their hearts!

3 Tips for Dating God’s Way:

1. You marry someone you date.

This may seem like common sense but I often hear teenagers and young adults admit that their current boyfriend or girlfriend is not someone they would ever want to marry. While only dating people that you would consider marrying narrows down the options, it also protects you from wasting your time and settling for less than God’s best. The trajectory of picking less than God’s best in marriage, is settling for “best right now” or “best considering everyone else has a date” while single.

2. Quickest way to end a relationship is to have sex.

A lot of times the fear in dating is that the relationship won’t last. With the average age of marriage being 27 for women and 29 for men, I would say that is a valid fear. So many women and girls think they will have a binding deal if they are having sex with their boyfriend. However, having sex does not make you different, special, or unique; it actually makes you just like everyone else. If you want the relationship to last, actually make him (or her) wait to have sex until after marriage. The most important thing in marriage is friendship and the best time to develop that is in the dating period. Having sex before marriage breaks God’s design for sex and demands that He steps in to set things straight. If you really like the person you are dating and want them to stick around, put your relationship in a place where God can bless you by committing to purity.

3. The bait you use determines what you catch.

I got this saying from my favorite dating book Dateable by Hayley DiMarco, Hayley Morgan, and Justin Lookadoo. I hear so many people question why they attract the kind of people they end up dating and eventually marrying. I hear girls barely dressed wonder aloud why a guy only is interested in her sexually. What we use to bait a significant other is going to determine the kind of person we end up dating. If you never talk about or live out your faith, you are probably not going to attract a Christian. If you only go to parties with alcohol on the weekend, you’re likely to attract alcoholics. This truth can also work in your favor. If you walk with Christ at your school, you are likely to attract a Christian to date. If you dress modestly (still cute!), you are showing there is more to you than just your body and heighten your chances of “baiting” someone interested in getting to know you.

In the end, there is nothing romantic about a person barely picking you through an elimination process. You want a man who knows you and says without reservation, through denying all others, “I want that girl and I’m going to become the kind of man God has called me to be in order win her heart!” Women; wait for the man who deserves you, proving it through his sacrifice for you. Men; wait for the woman who is not in love with love but is in love with you!

(As seen on Elevateyouth.org)